Saturday, May 20, 2006

Last night, I had some interesting dreams ...

A tarantula bigger than my dog followed me around a weird place where I was with my family. A few everyday people tried to attack/eat me or bring me down in some way (while others were just the opposite, but the bad ones wanted them too), and the spider wanted to jump onto my head - (But it felt much more amusing than a nightmare could ever be!) Then I sprouted wings(wtf?!!), grabbed the spider, flew it to a nearby coast/island, and let it go safely there.

Back at the weird nondescript area, I lose my wings, and after a fun(wtf?!) chase and action 'scene', there were far fewer of these weird people around, I ended up in a conversation with the father of my sister's groom-to-be, and he had his usual smile on, but there was an owl sitting right on his chest looking around, so that it almost covered his whole face -- and if he turned one way, it looked almost like a mask, and if he turned the other way, it became a crouching snake on his head, as if to guard him.

So later on, I'm in bed under my covers, and he just appears standing to my left and drops a long green rattlesnake on me (from a few feet above!) saying, "Try not to move."
My heart pounds as the snake slithers up to my face and brushes by my mouth! Suddenly the snake's rattle brushes by the juevos, (I definitely felt something brush against me, even asleep! - that's when I inhale sharply and thrash for a moment, but I remember it's a rattler, so I stay still again), and it brings the rest of its scaly body up over the back of my neck (like a replacement spine) onto my head to sit in that "guardian" position ... then it positions itself from afar to look at me in the eyes, waiting for me to get up, and that's when I wake up and realize I'm not looking at a snake, but instead the decorative knob of my closet curtains.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Once upon a time, I would've been depressed with the current state of things, but I'm not! I'm pretty f*in' happy and I'm gettin' a lot of work done.

(Ssshhhhhhh! Unofficially, I'm alumnus as of May -- but it won't really be official until August!)


Wednesday, May 03, 2006

You are the part of your mind where you spend the most time.

Knowing this, I realize I've been working at lightening up ever since I've had trouble being light-hearted - which is quite some time.

I still pray.

I can't really offer truth -- I can only offer what appears true to me; I started it to help others, but now it's helping me.

I don't know what will change, but it's necessary - I need it, and it is coming closer day by day. The climbing is done, the cliff face slopes from here and there's a luxury car and a clean-paved road at the top; it's the path off this rock.

I walked out past my front entryway half an hour ago and stopped, looking straight up into the night sky, as if diving upward into the violet sea of stars. I instantly relaxed, transfixed by the clear view of heavens as they appeared thousands of years ago, and a shooting star zoomed across the sky as if summoned; I then made *the* wish.