Sanity Break. I am thankful for my existence. Judge me not by my desire to stay sane. It is time well-spent.
You know, while I'm learning I might not actually be able to do anything I set my mind to, I've recently discovered something else. I enjoy the fact that I can devote myself in entirety to anything I set my mind. Nearly the same, but not quite.
A long time ago, I set out on a journey to learn more about religion, religious viewpoints, and I thought I had completed it: I am content that there are forces beyond my control working behind the scenes and at the forefront, and that the true test of a person is whether they can be the best person they can be, even without any definite evidence of higher powers. I am at peace with my belief, no matter what I choose to perceive or how I choose to act.
My opinion has always been that there's proof enough without the need for faith - it's all right there in physics, chemistry, mathematics, biology, anthropology, linguistics, even in the study of animal intelligence, even the 'unanswerable paradox' that is our own existence: "Which came first? The chicken or the egg? The Big Bang or the Universe? Earlier big bangs?" The quote that 'Matter always was and always will be' just doesn't fly with me - I just wish I knew who said it... Everything about this universe suggests intelligent design - not just humans, or even animals. Everything from coalescing electron fields that exist only when in contact with matter, to an event-driven universe, where nothing in our observable universe occurs without the presence of an electromagnetic wave. The studies of who and what we are, of what we represent, are just as important as what we strive to become, and what we strive to accomplish --
To believe that something is false because you don't understand may be as foolish as to think it is true for the same reasons, and to stay a decision because you don't understand is a decision itself, and by its own nature, a temporary decision. I don't understand higher powers - but I see evidence of their work everywhere - brilliance that no computer-simulation could ever hope to surpass - even the quirks of particle collisions alone in the real world is an elegant solution to a problem witnessed in almost all simulations and even hardware such as that cell phone in your pocket, the television you watch, and the lights at your school or office.
In this place, light particles are waves and ripples - just dips and divots of space in motion, as if spurred on - an unseen hand guiding threads of gossamer in an intricate web of existence.
I don't disagree with evolution or intelligent design -
I know evolution exists; I don't care about Darwin's theory.
I know God placed me here for a reason; I don't care about your proof.
I severely disagree with the idea that one excludes the other.
This is. My reality is energy perceived.
I see. My perception is energy received.
I think. My thoughts are energy, interpreted.
I decide. My decision is energy, directed.
I do. My action is energy, emitted.
I am. My existence shifts energy to all the right places.