Monday, December 01, 2003

Journal entries will come later.

Blatantly obvious revelation : people love emotions.

They love 'em. Of course, on the surface, you might think,
"How, in any sane mind, could that ever make sense ?!"
Who the hell wants to feel like shit ?!

Well that's the problem : people tend to associate feelings as the results of events ... and that's perfectly reasonable, in usual circumstances, but when large-scale events happen, you leave yourself open to danger: the difference between sanity and insanity can often be just a matter of events (I heard that from the Cowboy Bebop Movie :-p -- I just love that quote)

Everyone at some point in time think they've got it worse, (and sometimes better) than others . You're comparing yourself to these others DUE TO THE FACT THAT YOU SEE THEM IN THAT LIGHT ! And you could be 100% right. But there are always hundreds of thousands who are worse off than you or the subject of your emotions, and many who are better off. When will that ever change ? There is no race. There is no competition save for the ones that you create in your own mind.
People often have too little information to even attempt to judge another's life. It is funny then, that so many people will assume they know you after a total of only a few actual hours of contact.

So really, if feeling depressed or angry was something people want to avoid (clinical manifestations aside), then why do they jump at the opportunity to feel that way when things go wrong ? For the same reason they associate emotions with events ? It doesn't feel right ? You'd be cheating yourself ? You'd be cheating others ? Others would think less of you ? Because you can ? Because it's so awful and so many horrible, horrible things have happened that you must obsess on them ?

Because it hurts ?

Then why feel that way ? The world does not stop for you. If you know what happens tomorrow... if you're somehow sure your life will not end tomorrow, that your time is not being wasted, or that you're immortal, or that the afterlife awaits you in benefit, then by all means, go ahead and feel like shit. I know it hurts. I would be a complete ass if I were to think that anyone could just rise up out of the pits of hell, oblivious to their current situation, especially if they're still deeply lost and tangled within the web of fate.

But I can't think of any other reason.

I don't know the answers. I know myself.

As far as I can tell it hasn't ever helped the situation for me ... :-D I just felt a lot worse.

And yet, why is there this compelling want to feel sorry for oneself ?

Feeling angry is the same way ... some people jump at the opportunity to be angry !
It's a favorite emotion for some people !

I'll stick to the ones I like best.


A more dangerous route which is unfortunately alike this one is to run from your emotions. To not acknowledge them, surpressing them rather than dealing with them. They will catch up with you ... if something else doesn't first.
Don't supress them, but don't feed them, either.