Saturday, October 26, 2002

Well, here I am at school... walked to the bus stop and bussed over to pick up the bike. Didn't make it to yoga class. I'm attempting to go 120 mph on a 40mph road (THIS IS A METAPHOR!!! Don't freak out!). A friend gave me a link to a news article about a man who died from about .... 27? hours of nonstop gaming in an internet cafe. Not the first time this has happened either. Heh. I'll post the link up soon. If I slow down to 110mph, I could still kill myself quite easily. Not that I care. But there's some reason I'm still here. Anyway I bought a new backpack. Strangely enough, in this case I really did need the backpack. My old one keeps on unzipping while I ride the bike, and the handles on both main zippers have been destroyed. I needed a new bag. Since all my friends have had their jansports for years and years, and jansports that have been to more places than I, I figured I'd go with that brand -- makes things a lot easier, I hope. Damn, I'm taking time out of my life to explain in my journal why I bought a backpack. I'm so embittered right now. If you can only change your own perceptions, and not anyone else's, but at the same time, your main goal in life is peace/love/happiness, etc...which is undoubtedly the case for most people, then what else is there? Isn't that, in a sense, still a form of hedonism? What do we have to really keep us here? What is the point if we can't help others and all we're striving for is to be happy? That's not enough for me. I don't want to join a fucking rat race. Am I a hypocrite? Am I compassionate? Or is that another part of my self-esteem..my ego?

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